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Meanwhile, the prison staff tried to force me to terminate the pregnancy, claiming that as a ward of the state, I had no choice. He continued to be employed at the prison for another year, at which time he was terminated not for my assault but for an unrelated infraction: bringing drugs into the facility. I did, but eventually the true identity of my rapist was revealed he took an extended leave for back problems but continued to call me by phone and tell me what to say and do. He threatened my life and told me that I had to point the finger at another guard who had also been sexually harassing me. When the officer found out, he attempted to induce an abortion by making me take quinine and turpentine. In the following days and weeks, he regularly threatened me, telling me to keep my mouth shut or else. Then he told me to “get my ass back to work,” and left. One day, he came into the office, which was located in the back of the barracks and had brown paper covering its windows. For the second time in my short life, I found myself with a man who was verbally abusive and aggressive, constantly calling me and other female inmates an array of sexist names. In this role, I interacted regularly with a male supervisor, who was 6’4” and over 200 pounds. It had been built in 1916, and by the time I got there the walls were riddled with massive holes and streaked with feces.Īnd even though I was only supposed to be supervised by female officers, I was assigned as clerk to the field major who ran the prison farm. In 1993, the women in my facility were moved to a more dangerous prison that housed both male and female inmates and employed both male and female officers. Most of all, I was a hopeless person: Adults in my life, including my lawyers and the jail staff, told me that I would certainly die behind bars. My brain, according to scientific research I’ve now learned a lot about, was not yet fully developed. In hindsight, I was misbehaving not because I was a bad person, but because I was a very young person. I continued to act out, like the teenager I was, by committing all the standard rule infractions, among them insolence to staff and possession of contraband. Once I got to prison, I was dealing with extreme guilt over my aunt’s death, and fear, because I was still a child and felt desperately alone.